Here, too, a friend helped me to choose suitable photos.
Having signed up to a few platforms and filled out the profiles felt like I had already done something. I had practically not done anything that would bring me closer to a partnership. As a man it was my job to get active and write to women.
At first I wrote very few messages. I clicked around in profiles for hours, looked at photos, read texts and the answers to the questionnaires. I was very picky at first because I imagined that women would not suit me. That was true in 99 out of 100 cases. I lingered forever on every message. On some Sundays I would sit at my desk for four to five hours and only end up writing a handful of messages. It took a few weeks until I had even written 20 messages. However, the response rate was only 10 to 20 percent. It made no significant difference whether I wrote long or brief messages. I always got few answers.
So I had to get down to earth. Even if I wrote five messages a week (and often I couldn’t even do that), I wouldn’t get very far. At times I compared online dating to a funnel. If I write to 50 women, I’ll get ten answers at best. After all, five of them result in a chat. I might meet with a woman or two. That is already calculated optimistically. So I tipped a lot into the funnel at the top and very little came out of the bottom. But that’s how it is.
I had to write 50 messages to meet a woman or two. I had to find these women interesting and they also had to find me. How many meetings would it take me to meet a suitable woman? After the first dates – which didn’t give me much courage – I expected 100 dates. That number looked depressing. The trick was to keep blocking them out and not to think too pessimistically.
I wrote to my current girlfriend when I was annoyed again and gave myself a jerk. On that day, I wanted to go through all of OKCupid and write to all women I didn’t know or hadn’t written to and who were reasonably relevant to me. I think I wrote 27 messages that day. It took a couple of hours, but then it was done. I used to write so many messages over many weeks.