My evening entertainment with Freund was more like a sofa, let’s be honest, bed and cinema. Post boyfriendem I first tried it in bars. Before I started dating, I used to meet someone in bars all the time. But in the new world of dating, there was no woosh eye contact. We didn’t even have interesting conversations. People used to meet in bars, didn’t they? Now I had the feeling that Tinder is such an efficient get-to-know machine that eye contact and initial exchanges are completely outsourced to it. Why speak to an unknown person and pick up a basket when the embarrassment can also take place locked away in an app? I would have wanted to “really get to know each other”, for a bit of embarrassment and good anecdotes. But who wants to make an idiot on their own? Just.
Nevertheless, in the past year, thanks to Tinder, I also learned a lot about real life that would have remained forever hidden in my relationship:
Lesson 1: If you’re over 18, most men can’t do much with your brief description of canned beer, currywurst with fries, and comics. Get real hobbies. At least for Tinder.
Lesson 2: add Netflix. Then everyone thinks that you mean Netflix and Chill and points them out to you – but only after the match has been made. Clever move.
Lesson 3: Stepping out of my bladder was very interesting – also because you get to know people who you would probably have dumped in a bar very quickly. I wrote with a man for a few days before realizing that he is not sarcastic, but a Nazi. Well. Had done that too.
In general: To determine whether you have a similar sense of humor, you need a maximum of five minutes in real life – on Tinder a lot of attempts and patience and the belief that more googling could show that he did a Simpsons joke after all. Also an interesting reality check: Suddenly Simpson jokes no longer arrive. But I never wanted to know any of that.
I also never wanted to see how quickly men can become obscene for no reason, how fix bra sizes are checked, sexual practices are compared, or wild insinuations begin. You can do everything great if it’s bilateral, but many users don’t even wait for that.
My relationship cocoon had saved me from just such nonsense over the past few years. A relationship is like an organic farm out of a picture book: You lie around, eat, are taken care of and don’t have to worry about anything. And then the gate flies open. You collect yourself, want to see what’s out there and see: a hectic fattening operation. This is what Tinder often felt like to me. As if everyone were hungry, but would not look for a spot and then graze happily, but all eat from the same trough, regardless of what is poured into it.
Of course, it’s similar in a club, when the lights come on slowly and for everyone who really doesn’t want to go home alone, the chair dance begins. But even there you say hello at some point. Without an app in between, without anything in between – except maybe schnapps breath. On Tinder, hello is just hello and as creative and lovable as a letter from the garbage disposal. And for that you sacrifice time. A lot. Great.
Everything I really like about myself, on the other hand, is difficult to translate to Tinder. So, of course, you can use Paint to paint speech bubbles in your profile picture, quote Adorno or anything else that pushes your inner values outwards. But trust me: the people on Tinder don’t appreciate that anyway. The only thing left for you to do is for the handful of users who tick similarly to see you and think you are pretty. Good luck.
By the way, I’m back in a relationship now. With someone I met on Tinder. But I still don’t fully understand how that worked. Just so much: His song selection was extremely good and had nothing to do with Imagine Dragons.
Our writer has never been single since Tinder was launched. And feels like you’ve missed something.